40. Forty. XL. The number is biblical in its proportions. Rain for forty days and forty nights. Forty years of wandering the desert. Forty days of fasting. Forty days of lent. Everything seems to last seven or forty days or years. I don’t remember seven. Last month I turned forty. I don't feel I am allowed to play with my son's LEGO bricks anymore. Did you know that wikipedia has an entry for the number "40?"
At lunch one day, I confided in one of respected elders that I had passed this serious milestone. I hoped for some aged sagacity or perhaps a hopeful cliché like, "Life begins at forty." He looked at me and grunted, "Yeah, that's when everything starts falling apart."
In February (I was only 39 at the time) I decided to take up running. My hope was to keep the grim reaper off of my heels for a few more miles. To keep me inspired I began entering 5k races. Knowing that I will be running in a race with dozens, hundreds, or thousands of other runners forces me to get out and run so that I don't embarrass myself. I still embarrass myself. I am continually passed by 78 year-old runners who are barely breathing heavily through their three teeth, pregnant women pushing strollers, and the faster of the toddlers. In my first race I was passed by a seventeen year old girl with only a tenth of a mile left before the finish line. I was breathing like Darth Vader on speed before I finally pulled my body and crushed ego across the finish line.
Most of the races are fund-raisers for local charities. Many of them have fun names. They usually give out T-Shirts, prizes, and medals for winning or placing in your age group. My first race was the Fire Ant 5k in Ashburn, GA. It is part of the big Fire Ant Festival down there. It was a small race, and I finished the race without throwing up, suffering a major coronary event or even seeing a fire ant. I have also run the Athletes Helping Athletes 5k (for greyhound adoption) in Kennesaw, GA, a Run for the World 5k (in Rome, GA), and one down by the Chattahoochee River. After every race my son and daughter ask me if I won. I finally got a 2nd place medal for my age group in the Hog Jog of Vienna, GA. The Hog Jog is the kick off event for the Big Pig Jig. I haven’t told my children that there were only two people in my age group and that the guy who got first finished twelve minutes before I did. They were very proud of me. One of my students asked if the Hog Jog was for, er, bigger runners.
I will be running the Gobble Jog on Thanksgiving morning.
I knew I had truly turned forty the other day when I walked into a Walgreens and bought a box of Preparation H from the cute little girl at the cash register without embarrassment or without trying to disguise it by buying a bunch of other stuff.
Peace
..._
04 November 2009
The Builder and the Destroyer
"There are three classes of man. The first and smallest class is that of the dreamer. The dreamer lives to inspire the second class. The second class is that of the builder. The builder lives to stay one brick ahead of the third and greatest class of man, the destroyer. The destroyer will not rest until there is no place left to rest."--Tiebos
There were two boys. Their homes sat opposite each other's in a typical suburban neighborhood. Both of them were strange and stood out among the typical suburban children. They found themselves mocked by the other boys of the neighborhood. In turn, they mocked each other, as they had learned that is how the game was played. In a moment of divine grace, a day came when enlightenment shone upon them, and they saw that it was their very strangeness that united them. The two boys became the best of friends.
They spent their days in collecting and building. They collected rocks, shells, coins, stamps, high scores on the Atari 2600 and Intellivision, cereal boxes, license plates, and any thing else that was collectible (and some things that were not). But their collecting was, for them, another way of building. They built cities everywhere and out of anything. They build a rock city by the mailbox, a Lego City in the basement, a domino city next to the Lego City, a Lincoln Log city in the bedroom, and a dirt city in an embankment.
The dirt city was built into a six foot, sloping embankment in one of the boy's backyard. Pine trees swayed above the boys as they used hand spades to carve out roads from the cool red clay for Hot Wheels, and caves for homes, businesses, and fire stations. Working through dusk, red mosquito welts would rise like constellations on their arms as the first stars tried futilely to replace the fading sunlight. Sticks served as lampposts, guardrails, and pillars in the spreading metropolis. One of the boys pilfered a small bucket of concrete mix from a nearby home site to pave his roads and line his caves. The other refused to use the mix because it was stolen, but secretly coveted the smooth gray streets of his friend.
One afternoon, they boys returned from school to find two large gashes like the track of twin slashing meteorites had devastated their city. The sneaker prints at the end of each gash betrayed the man-made disaster that had been wrecked upon them. Believing the damage to have been accidental, the boys threw themselves into repairing the damage. Joy welled in their hearts whenever they discovered a beloved spot that, thought destroyed, was actually preserved under the ruins. Excavations and new road-building had the city running again by dinner time.
The next day the boys found more destructive footprints. It dawned on the boys that there was no other explanation than the idea that the destruction was purposeful. The boys were hurt in their hearts and couldn't understand why another would destroy their work. But they rebuilt the city....
...to find the city destroyed again. After this, they began hiding their work every evening with pine straw, hoping that this would keep the angel of death from visiting their city. This ruse worked for a few days before, once again, the ravishing feet trampled their town.
In the now mournful silence of rebuilding, one of the boys stood up, red clay sticking to bare knees and proclaimed,
"I'm done."
"You're going home?"
"No, I'm done with dirt city. I don't want to do it anymore."
"But I love dirt city."
"So do I, but I can't stand that someone keeps coming and destroying it." It hurts too much, he didn't say.
"What if we built it somewhere else?"
"They would find it. They would find it and destroy it."
"Oh."
"Its a little kid game."
"No, its not!"
"Let's play video games."
That fall, the pine needles settled over the broken concrete and shattered caves of dirt city and have never again been cleared away. One of the boys either grew up a little that day, or part of him died. Probably a little of both.
Peace
..._
There were two boys. Their homes sat opposite each other's in a typical suburban neighborhood. Both of them were strange and stood out among the typical suburban children. They found themselves mocked by the other boys of the neighborhood. In turn, they mocked each other, as they had learned that is how the game was played. In a moment of divine grace, a day came when enlightenment shone upon them, and they saw that it was their very strangeness that united them. The two boys became the best of friends.
They spent their days in collecting and building. They collected rocks, shells, coins, stamps, high scores on the Atari 2600 and Intellivision, cereal boxes, license plates, and any thing else that was collectible (and some things that were not). But their collecting was, for them, another way of building. They built cities everywhere and out of anything. They build a rock city by the mailbox, a Lego City in the basement, a domino city next to the Lego City, a Lincoln Log city in the bedroom, and a dirt city in an embankment.
The dirt city was built into a six foot, sloping embankment in one of the boy's backyard. Pine trees swayed above the boys as they used hand spades to carve out roads from the cool red clay for Hot Wheels, and caves for homes, businesses, and fire stations. Working through dusk, red mosquito welts would rise like constellations on their arms as the first stars tried futilely to replace the fading sunlight. Sticks served as lampposts, guardrails, and pillars in the spreading metropolis. One of the boys pilfered a small bucket of concrete mix from a nearby home site to pave his roads and line his caves. The other refused to use the mix because it was stolen, but secretly coveted the smooth gray streets of his friend.
One afternoon, they boys returned from school to find two large gashes like the track of twin slashing meteorites had devastated their city. The sneaker prints at the end of each gash betrayed the man-made disaster that had been wrecked upon them. Believing the damage to have been accidental, the boys threw themselves into repairing the damage. Joy welled in their hearts whenever they discovered a beloved spot that, thought destroyed, was actually preserved under the ruins. Excavations and new road-building had the city running again by dinner time.
The next day the boys found more destructive footprints. It dawned on the boys that there was no other explanation than the idea that the destruction was purposeful. The boys were hurt in their hearts and couldn't understand why another would destroy their work. But they rebuilt the city....
...to find the city destroyed again. After this, they began hiding their work every evening with pine straw, hoping that this would keep the angel of death from visiting their city. This ruse worked for a few days before, once again, the ravishing feet trampled their town.
In the now mournful silence of rebuilding, one of the boys stood up, red clay sticking to bare knees and proclaimed,
"I'm done."
"You're going home?"
"No, I'm done with dirt city. I don't want to do it anymore."
"But I love dirt city."
"So do I, but I can't stand that someone keeps coming and destroying it." It hurts too much, he didn't say.
"What if we built it somewhere else?"
"They would find it. They would find it and destroy it."
"Oh."
"Its a little kid game."
"No, its not!"
"Let's play video games."
That fall, the pine needles settled over the broken concrete and shattered caves of dirt city and have never again been cleared away. One of the boys either grew up a little that day, or part of him died. Probably a little of both.
Peace
..._
02 November 2009
In the Land of the Philistines
In the spring of 2007, I was faced with a terrible decision: whether or not to leave the school I had been at for the previous six years. I had already signed the "I haven't decided" box on my letter of intent to let my school know that I was exploring other options. I found out a couple of weeks later that my boss took all "I haven't decideds" as personal affronts to his authority and leadership (he is an overly zealous believer in "From Good to Great) and considered such answers as the same as "I will not be returning." He was already interviewing for my position and had found a candidate for my position. After some push back by some parents and school board members on my behalf, he sat down and actually talked to me one on one (something he had never done before). He told me that they wanted to keep me and that if the problem was money, something could be worked out. It was a very amicable conversation, and knowing that if I talked openly about my concerns about the school that I would be burning my bridges with him, I probably left him with the impression that I needed better benefits for the newly minted twin boys. In truth, I thought he was a brilliant man with a great plan, but a terrible person. He gave me a week to give him a final answer. I didn't realize until later that the deadline was actually quite flexible.
It was a Friday when that deadline came up. The week had been difficult for me. I loved the faculty and students at the school. I made a list of reasons to leave. The list was over a page long. Still I hesitated. The students had just given me a van the year before. How could I leave that?
The day of decision was a teacher workday. I could get nothing done as I agonized over the decision. I paced my classroom seeking some clear sign. Finally, I picked up a Bible. It was one of a stack of ones from lost and found that I kept in my room. At a loss for wisdom, I decided to do the blind flip. For those of you not familiar with this process, let me explain. You close your eyes and open the Bible to a random place. Then you open your eyes and read the first thing you see. I have always seen this like using the Bible as a giant Christian Ouija board and do not recommend it as genuine process of Bible study and wisdom seeking, but I was desperate and I no longer give a snobbish snort inside my head when someone confesses to doing it.
The first verse I read as a result of my blind flip was somewhere in the Old Testament. I do not remember the exact verse, but the words advised me to take up my stuff and go somewhere else. It might have been in Job or Isaiah or even in Acts. The advice was so exact that I laughed at the coincidence and did another blind flip for amusement.
The second blind flip lead me to this verse from 1 Samuel 27:
1 And David said in his heart, I shall now perish one day by the hand of Saul: there is nothing better for me than that I should speedily escape into the land of the Philistines; and Saul shall despair of me, to seek me any more in any coast of Israel: so shall I escape out of his hand.
I laughed again but uneasily this time. I kept a thumb on that page as I did another blind flip.
The third blind flip lead me to these verses from Exodus 12:
30And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.
31And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.
32Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.
I sent my e-mail within half and hour and have never regretted it.
Peace
..._
It was a Friday when that deadline came up. The week had been difficult for me. I loved the faculty and students at the school. I made a list of reasons to leave. The list was over a page long. Still I hesitated. The students had just given me a van the year before. How could I leave that?
The day of decision was a teacher workday. I could get nothing done as I agonized over the decision. I paced my classroom seeking some clear sign. Finally, I picked up a Bible. It was one of a stack of ones from lost and found that I kept in my room. At a loss for wisdom, I decided to do the blind flip. For those of you not familiar with this process, let me explain. You close your eyes and open the Bible to a random place. Then you open your eyes and read the first thing you see. I have always seen this like using the Bible as a giant Christian Ouija board and do not recommend it as genuine process of Bible study and wisdom seeking, but I was desperate and I no longer give a snobbish snort inside my head when someone confesses to doing it.
The first verse I read as a result of my blind flip was somewhere in the Old Testament. I do not remember the exact verse, but the words advised me to take up my stuff and go somewhere else. It might have been in Job or Isaiah or even in Acts. The advice was so exact that I laughed at the coincidence and did another blind flip for amusement.
The second blind flip lead me to this verse from 1 Samuel 27:
1 And David said in his heart, I shall now perish one day by the hand of Saul: there is nothing better for me than that I should speedily escape into the land of the Philistines; and Saul shall despair of me, to seek me any more in any coast of Israel: so shall I escape out of his hand.
I laughed again but uneasily this time. I kept a thumb on that page as I did another blind flip.
The third blind flip lead me to these verses from Exodus 12:
30And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.
31And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.
32Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.
I sent my e-mail within half and hour and have never regretted it.
Peace
..._
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