Another Reason to Prohibit Cell Phones in Classrooms...

...cell phones excite the brain. According to CNN.com, "Cell phone emissions excite the part of the brain cortex nearest to the phone, but it is not clear if these effects are harmful, Italian researchers reported on Monday."

The Ohoopee contacted Dr. Paddy Nobaddadie of the Southeastern Educational Research Group (SERG), an educational consulting company, for his response to the Italian report. He responded with, "We don't need school rooms filled with teenagers possessed of over-stimulated brains. I suspect expensive new editions of extra-somniative history textbooks will be required to offset this potentially dangerous situation. Perhaps a new shade of institutional brown for the walls would help as well. We have already begun the process of grant application to study this problem and expect results in six to ten years. One early trial balloon we are floating is Ritalin or a similar additive in the water supply. I mean, if fluoride hasn't destroyed our vital bodily fluids yet, why not Ritalin?"

The Committee to Reinvigorate Excellence in Education in the Public Schools (CREEPS), a special joint task force of the national educators' unions, have also expressed serious concern about the new research on the affect of cell phone use on the brain. CREEPS issued an immediate press release that calls for "significantly increased funding to address the impending collapse of the entire public education system if the effects of [fill-in-the-blank and delete this part] cell-brain stimulation (CBS) and the work of the current administration are not offset by large federal, state, and local distributions."


Peace